It’s 5:00 somewhere — maybe even where you are — but instead of relaxing after work, going into the kitchen for a cold pop, or doing anything that resembles family time, you have things to follow-up with: a last-minute phone call with your colleague, a logistical conversation with your partner, or trying to read & send just one final text (email, message, comment, notification…). Amidst all of this, you hear “Mom, what’s for dinner?” or “Dad, what’s [insert math problem here]?” or “STOP it! Moooom! Daaaad!”
Stress… who doesn’t have it? We all have too much to do and not enough time to do it in, and this causes tension between ourselves and our kids, and our partners too. Sure, a family vacation would be nice, but when you don’t have time for that… here are eight simple (and fun!) ways for moms & dads to transform those negative stressful times into little positive moments throughout the day.
1) Rock, Paper, Scissors! – games you can play with JUST YOU
Sometimes all you need is a brief change of pace. There are all kinds of silly little games you can plan on the spur-of-the-moment, without needing anything other than your own two hands! Everybody knows Rock, Paper, Scissors. (Right? Rock smashes Scissors, Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock…) There’s also the hand pile-up game, thumb wrestling, tag, hide-n-seek, maybe making up a secret handshake to use with your kids….
2) “If you want to sing out…” – Sing & Dance!
It doesn’t have to be Cat Stevens, or a Mr. Rogers-style “what do you do with the mad that you feel” kind of tune (although I do love both those guys). You could bust into the latest Justin Bieber or a Bible song from church — if musical notes suddenly burst forth from your mouth, or the radio for that matter, it is almost guaranteed to cause a break in whatever tension that is arising in the room. Get up out of your seat, add a little shake, swing your partner, pick up your kids and dance. Even if it lasts merely a moment, it can shift the entire mood of a room.
3) Get COLORFUL – or draw-ly. With crayons & paper, or whatever you’ve got
No matter what is going on, whether in the waiting room or waiting for water to boil, there’s almost always some sort of paper and writing utensil lying around. Don’t you let yourself get away with just putting them in front of your kid, either. Two-dimensional art isn’t just for the young and ambitious. If all you can draw are stick figures, do so with pride. Let your child begin a drawing, then add a little bit to it, taking turns. Ask him/her questions about their work, their color choice, their decision to draw a certain thing. When you come from a place of curiosity, you almost always learn something about the person you are talking to.
4) HIGHs & lows? – and other open-ended questions
My children and I always end the day with sharing: “What were your Highs? What were your Lows? What are you looking forward to tomorrow?” These are all open-ended questions — they cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and there is no expressed or implicit right or wrong answer. These are great questions that can be asked any time of day. In a moment of stress, one can pause and, instead of getting upset or judgmental, take it as an opportunity to go deeper into the heart of a person — ask, and listen — whether it be of your child, your partner, or yourself.
5) Imagine a T-Rex making a bed – Laugh! funny memes and other silly things
No matter where we are, these days we often have the internet at our fingertips. Search engines are useful for research, directions, and email, but that is not its sole value or purpose. All kinds of humor can be found online. My kids and I recently came across a meme about a T-rex making a bed that made all of us laugh. (I realize that probably isn’t funny. Yes, you had to be there. Yes, I am a dork.) We also enjoy comedic relief through various videos, songs, and silly articles.
6) All you need is LOVE – make a gratitude list
Most of what bothers us in a stressful moment can be placed into the category of “First World Problems”. Now, that is not to say our feelings aren’t legitimate or worthy of causing concern, but sometimes what we need is a little perspective. A spot of gratitude can help to do just that. Step back from your laundry list of what’s bugging you and consciously think of things that make you happy, that bring even a little smile to your face. Bonus: get your kids in on it, too.
This can be a mental list of things to appreciate or you can even write it down somewhere. My family has our own very colorful gratitude wall filled with things we write on it almost every day. In permanent marker. No, I am not insinuating you must take it to this extreme, although it is quite a lot of fun. Making just a three-point list in your head, in a moment of frustration, will also work wonders for you.
7) Scream! – get out your frustration
When I’m mad, I don’t hold it in. Yes, this means that once in a while, I yell and get visibly upset in the presence of my kids. Never directed AT my kids, but still in such a way that they can bear witness to my process of frustration, expression, and coming back into balance… finding peace. Getting angry can be healthy, natural, and normal! It’s what we DO with the anger that can become unhealthy. If we bottle it in and don’t acknowledge it or deal with it, it can turn into something perpetual, and grow to be unproductive, dangerous, or scary. However, healthy expression of upset feelings can actually be a good thing. The key is to *not place blame* and showing that you are upset *at the situation* rather than directing it toward any person/s. We do not want to blow up AT our children, of course. However, allowing your children to see a process that includes anger being processed in a healthy manner, and talking about it together, is more honest and conducive to growth than pretending that anger and frustration do not exist.
8) STOP doing too much. – breathe, and enjoy the moment
You are angry and upset, and in the moment you are not sure why. Are you mad at your kids for yelling or are you mad at your task for interrupting personal time or are you mad at yourself for letting it get to this…. and the answer is YES. To all of the above. But truly the issue is that you are getting caught up in the DOING and have forgotten that you are a human, BEING. So just BE. Stop, take a breath, look into your child’s eyes. Realize that connection you feel in that moment is probably more important than any of the peripheral things you have going on. Smile. The moment will be gone before you know it, and after you blink they will be 18. Yes, you might be looking forward to that moment, too. But it is in the future. You might as well savor this one while you have it now, today.
What do you do in your moments of stress? Reply here by comment below, or on Facebook!
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Michelle Mersy, C.P.C. is the mother of two wonderful children (who love to dance to Cat Stevens), and a certified Life and Parenting Coach. She affirms, “Stop just wishing things could be different. They can be, if YOU do something different. Coaching will make that difference.”
989-397-8386 ~ www.MichelleMersy.com